So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
