they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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