come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
