I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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