I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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