i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I sprained my soul last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
