What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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