so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
