You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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