I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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