In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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