This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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