He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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