Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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