What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
