She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
