wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
