She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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