Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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