PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
