Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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