Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
