New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
