he thought i was a dude.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
