I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
