Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
