and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
