Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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