We're like a lot better than the average bears
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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