The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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