she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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