jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
