it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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