She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
