So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
