Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
