My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS