is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast