my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.