i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.