So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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