I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
