I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
id be glad to
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Randomize
