A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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