so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
