I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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