He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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