Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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