the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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