finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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