I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
