Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
