I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
