I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
its liver damage thursday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
