this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
