I just threw up on my dentist
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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