Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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