There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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