Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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