summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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