This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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