I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
