my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
