quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
