i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
