STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
