Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
