i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
